Sleep and Responsive Settling

To help your baby feel, contained, safe and secure, we encourage strategies to respond to your babies cues.  

For responsive sleep and settling support, please phone 1300 244 288 to make an appointment with your local Child and Family Health Nurse.  

Why does my baby need help to sleep? 

Babies need help to sleep and settle for many reasons. These could include: 

• Age
• Hunger
• Discomfort
• Overstimulation
• Environment
• Sleep habits

What is responsive settling? 

Responsive settling is when you comfort your baby and help them fall asleep by paying attention to what they need. It means noticing when your baby is tired, making sure they are comfortable, and being there for them. 

When you use responsive settling, it’s important to see if your baby is upset, crying, or fussy. You should also watch for signs like how they move or how they look. Notice if they are awake, sleepy, or already sleeping lightly or deeply. 

How do I know if my baby is tired? 

Your baby will show signs when they are ready to sleep. As you spend more time with your baby, you will get better at noticing their signs. Some common tired signs include: 

• Fists clenched
• Changing their face or making funny faces
• Jerky movements
• Crying or grizzling
• Rubbing their eyes
• Yawning
• Staring
• Distress or upset
• Irritability or whining
• Clinginess or fussiness
• Not cooperating (especially toddlers)
• Short attention span (like getting bored with toys quickly)
• Loss of coordination

When your baby shows tired signs, it’s time to get them ready for sleep. Babies can go from being very active to very tired quickly. If your baby starts crying, they are already overtired, and it will be harder for them to sleep. 

It’s also important to know that keeping your baby awake during the day doesn’t help them sleep better at night. 

How do I settle my baby to sleep? 

To help your baby fall asleep, they need to feel safe, relaxed, and secure. They also need to be physically ready for sleep. If you change how you settle your baby, give them enough time to get used to the new way. The best way to help them feel safe is to respond to their needs. 

It’s very important that your baby feels safe and secure. This helps them relax and fall asleep more easily. Be patient and don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it. 

Settling in Arms: Recommended for babies 0-3 months and older 

This method works well for young babies and older babies who have trouble settling. 

• Hold your baby gently in your arms, with or without rocking, until they calm down. In the beginning, you may need to hold your baby until they fall asleep. 
• When your baby is calm, gently place them on their back in their cot. 
• If your baby wakes up or gets upset when you place them in the cot, comfort them until they feel calm again. 
• If your baby gets really upset, pick them up and start again from the first step. 

Hands On Settling: Recommended for babies 0-6 months and older 

After your usual sleep routine (like wrapping, reading a story, or cuddling), gently place your baby in their cot, on their back. 

Watch for signs from your baby and respond to them. 

If your baby stays calm, let them settle by themselves. If they start crying, try one of these to comfort them: 

• ​​​​​Gently say "shh, shh" 
• Gently pat them (on their thigh, shoulder, tummy, or the mattress) 
• Talk softly in a comforting way ("It's OK, time for sleep") 
• Gently touch or stroke their head, arm, or leg 
• Gently rock the cot in a rhythmic way 

Comfort Settling: Recommended for babies 6 months and older

Comfort settling is different from hands-on settling because it gives your baby space to figure out how they like to fall asleep. 

• Follow your regular bedtime routine (like wrapping, reading a story, or cuddling). 
• Gently place your baby in their cot, awake, on their back. 
• If this is a new way of settling, stay in the room for a few minutes and make soft "shh" sounds. 
• If your baby stays calm, leave the room. If they get upset, stay in the room and comfort them until they calm down. 
• When you leave the room, stay close by in case your baby needs more help. 
• If your baby makes noises like babbling, whining, or brief crying, wait a bit before helping. This is normal while your baby is trying to settle. 
• If your baby’s crying goes up and down in volume, wait a little to see if they settle by themselves. 
• If the crying gets louder or doesn’t stop, go back to your baby and offer comfort while they are still in the cot. 
• If this doesn’t help, try using the hands-on settling or settling in arms methods. 
• Try comfort settling again next time. Your baby will start to learn from regular, predictable routines. 

Parental Presence: Recommended for babies 6 months and older 

This method helps babies who get upset when their parent leaves the room. It might take 1 to 4 weeks for your baby to get used to it. 

• During the day, stay in your baby’s room until they fall asleep. At night, sleep in their room. 
• Make the room calm, quiet, and dimly lit. Make sure you have a bed or mattress to lie on. 
• Stay where your baby can see you. Keep calm, close your eyes, and breathe slowly. 
• If your baby wakes up, make a small noise or movement to remind them you're there, but don’t interact with them directly. 
• If your baby cries and needs comfort, use soft “shh” sounds or gentle words like "It’s time to sleep now." You can try other comforting methods if needed. 
• Try to keep your baby in their cot. When they’re calm, lie down, close your eyes, and breathe slowly again. 
• After your baby sleeps three nights in a row with little disturbance, you can start leaving the room before they fall asleep and sleep in your own room. 
• If this method doesn’t work, stop and try another one. 

Gradual Withdrawal : Recommended for children 12 months and older 

Gradual withdrawal helps your child learn to fall asleep on their own. This method is good when your child is moving from a cot to a bed. 

With gradual withdrawal, you start by staying close to your child while they fall asleep. Over time, you move further away until your child can sleep without you. 

• Start by gently placing your child in their bed. Sit beside the bed or on it. At first, your child may want to hold your hand or be close to you. 
• Let your child know that if they stay in bed, you’ll stay nearby until they fall asleep (like sitting at the end of the bed or in a chair in the room). 
• Don’t talk too much or respond to requests like "I want a drink" or "Another story." 
• If your child gets out of bed, calmly take them back. 
• Over the next days or weeks, slowly move further away. Eventually, you’ll be outside the room. 
• Once you’re outside the room, reassure your child you’re still nearby. If your child leaves the bed, calmly take them back and remind them, "It’s time for bed." 

When settling your baby or toddler: 

If you decide to change how you settle your baby, give yourself and your baby time to adjust. It might take days or weeks to get used to a new method. Be consistent, but if you start feeling upset or your baby gets too distressed, take a moment to calm down and care for your baby gently. 

On average, it takes between 30 seconds and 30 minutes for both children and adults to fall asleep. 

• Being clear, consistent, and responding with warmth really helps. 
• When settling an upset baby or toddler, think about how you and your baby are feeling. If you’re getting frustrated, stop and take a moment to calm down. 
• Make sure your baby is safe and notice if you’re getting upset. 
• Try taking deep breaths, speaking slowly, using a calm voice, and giving gentle pats. 
• You can also use positive self-talk, or if needed, place your baby in a safe spot and take a break to calm yourself. 
• Remember, it’s okay to ask for help from family, friends, or parent support lines if you need it. 

Please access our Mental Health page if you need support